Reflection: Turning 30

With my 30th birthday fast approaching, I have taken time to reflect on how far I've come and how much I have changed over the years. Looking back, I am a little surprised to even be here, considering how often I would have thoughts such as; "this will be the last year of my life", "this is the year I will finally do 'it'", "there's no way I will survive another year", "I hope this is the last year" etc. I'm sure you get the idea. At the time I believed these thoughts; I believed that the mind had some kind of predictive power and I believed it could make me hurt myself regardless of what I wanted to do. It's upsetting looking back at that younger version of myself, getting back into contact with her pain. I spent a lot of time wishing and praying to be dead. I realise in retrospect that I was in a lot of danger for many years and needed help far sooner than I sought it or got it.

I doubt that teenage me would have been able to even imagine me here on the cusp of 30, having come out of the other side of that dark cloud I was in, pleased with the way my life is heading and with hopes and dreams for the future. I think that 26 year old me would have struggled to see this future too. The turning point really has been when I first learned ACT; though it didn't transform me instantly, over the last 3 years it has helped me move from almost constant depression to a mostly normal life with occasional low patches.

So here's to my journey; it was tough, but worth it and I hope to continue building a rich and fulfilling life for many more years.