It's the New Year and the time when lots of people choose to set themselves new year's resolutions. If you have tried setting a resolution before you may have found them not to be very effective or only effective in the short term. This can often be very disheartening after all the positivity and excitement of the new year starting. I can tell you the key to longer term, more effective resolutions.
To make more lasting resolutions, find the value lying behind that resolution. Most people's resolutions tend to be goals - things which can be ticked off a list when it's done or they take the form of “do less of this” or “do more of that”. Eg. Get to x dress size, drink less alcohol, do more exercise. There's nothing wrong with these goals - they are a great way to achieve various things in life but what is important is knowing what value is driving those goals. Values are the things which matter most to you, the kind of person you want to be, the way you want to act. It is useful to think of values like a compass direction eg. West. You can never reach West but at any moment you can choose to travel in that direction. With values you can never say I have achieved and finished "being kind" for example, but you can always choose to travel in that direction and do something kind in any moment. If you consider your journey of heading in the direction of “being kind” then each act of kindness is a village you pass through on the way. These shorter term destinations are your goals - the things you can tick off a list along the way. These goals are all destinations on the unending path in the direction of your value - it is important to know what value is guiding you or you will get lost when you achieve a goal and won't know where to go from there. This is why so many of us get stuck and sometimes end up going backwards when we've finished a goal. (Anyone who has struggled with weight loss will probably find this familiar - achieving a desired weight and then having no plans in place for maintaining that weight, so we end up gaining back that hard earned weight loss.)
Many new year's resolutions are based on the value of being healthy - weight loss, avoidance of certain foods eg. chocolate, drinking less alcohol, doing more exercise etc. Usually one and sometimes even all of these can feature on someone's resolution list but they all come from the value of looking after your health. Focusing on that deeper desire to take care of your body can help drive you more than the goals along the way. Goals can often feel like something you “must” do rather than something you “want” to do. Knowing what value drives you can turn that “must” into a “want”.
Another wonderful feature of values is that just as you can never achieve or finish doing them you can also never fail at them. A lot of resolutions set us up to fail - “I will stop eating chocolate” for example, is a goal which is just waiting for us to break its rule and fail. Focusing on the underlying value of health and knowing that chocolate is a poor choice for your health can give you the freedom to choose what you consume without feeling this pressing demand of “I must never eat chocolate”. You may be surprised how often you choose to follow your value of health rather than your desire for that foodstuff and if you do slip up and choose to indulge then you haven't failed, you just have the ability to choose differently when the next food choice presents itself.
So to make the most effective resolutions I would recommend resolving to work towards your value (whichever one you choose). For example, this year I wish to work on my value of being healthy. This will involve goals like eating less chocolate and sweets, doing more exercise, avoiding alcohol etc.
Finally I need to warn you of any “should”s which appear when you are discovering your values. A value is never “I should do this” or “I should be that”. If you notice yourself saying “should” then it is likely not your value but something you feel pressured to do by others. Values are deeply personal and are not based on other's opinions. Values are like your favourite flavour of ice cream - other people may encourage you to try other flavours but deep down you just know which flavour is right for you.
I hope you find this helps you to make more lasting new year's resolutions and wish you all the best for this year and beyond.
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