Avoiding Teaching the Happiness Myth to my Toddler

At lunchtime my toddler laid her head down on the table and told me “I’m sad mummy”. It felt like my heart was breaking in two. I knelt by her chair and offered her a hug. With her arms wrapped around my neck and head slumped on my shoulder she repeated “I'm sad”. I asked her, “what would make you happy again?” All of a sudden I was struck by how I was teaching my daughter to fall into the happiness trap. I was implying that happiness is the normal state of being (happy again), that sadness is a problem that needs to be fixed and that you can be made to feel happy by things external from yourself. While I doubt that my toddler took these depths of meaning from my question I was aware that if I continue to use such language with her as she grows up I could end up inadvertently training her to fall into the happiness trap.

So I made the conscious decision to act differently. I sat her on my lap and told her “everyone feels sad from time to time. It's ok to feel sad. It will pass. I'm here for cuddles if you want them.” While she may not have understood all of that, I felt like I had followed my values by saying those things to her. I would love to teach her psychological flexibility as she grows up and avoiding language which leads to the happiness trap is an important part of that.

So, what happened when I said this to her? “Just want… just want my lunch”. Ok, back to lunch. And you know what? Her sadness did indeed pass all on its own.

Anniversary - 3 years of ACT

Today marks 3 years since my first session of ACT group therapy. Little did I know back then what an effective and frankly life changing therapy it would be for me. Though I found the ACT skills instantly helpful, it has surprised me how their long term use has transformed me. The purpose of ACT is to encourage psychological flexibility and I really do feel that I am far more psychologically flexible than I used to be. I find that I rarely need to consciously use the ACT tools anymore - my mind knows to do it all on its own. I have been off antidepressants for about 2 years and I think that it is unlikely that I will ever need them again. 

I still have some bad days, but they rarely affect me as deeply or hang around for as long as they used to.

I still have moments where I get caught up in struggling and avoidance but it isn't my response every time to every single thing which happens to me. I feel I still have to work on it and I believe that the more I do so, the more positive results I will likely see.

So here's to my 3 year ACT anniversary - may it continue to help me and those I teach for years to come.

Animation - Acceptance of Thoughts and Feelings

First, a little background; I am a 3D animator and by the time I was offered ACT group therapy, I was struggling so much with feelings of self-doubt that I actually found it impossible to sit in front of the computer to do any animation work. During the course of ACT group therapy, we were being asked to set ourselves a small goal each week. In one of the later weeks I said I would make a short animation before the next week's session. I chose to make an animation about one of the ACT concepts which really helped me and though it was really tough going, I managed to overcome my fears and defuse my thoughts to produce the following animation.

It is very rough and unpolished but below you can watch my animation. It is being used in the ACT on Life course in several Recovery College areas and the feedback I've had has always been very positive. Personally, I cringe to show it to others, judging how unpolished it is and what changes need to be made. I would love to take time to do a more slick, fancy one at some point in the future but for now this will do. I feel there is some value to it in this raw, original form because of what it represents in my own journey of recovery. Hope you enjoy it!