Illness and how to trust our instincts.

Have you ever felt unwell but been unable to communicate it to others? Do you tend to doubt yourself and not trust your instincts? Me too...

The last few days I have been feeling incredibly exhausted from the moment I wake, despite a good night's sleep. This tiredness then peaked in the afternoons where it took every bit of energy I had just to stay awake. I didn't know what was causing this and was starting to give myself a hard time for not managing to cope better with a bit of tiredness.

Today I was woken up by my darling toddler at 6am after a night of very little sleep for both of us and though I feel really tired, I feel so much more functional and able to cope than I have done the previous few days. This has made me realise in reflection that the tiredness I was experiencing was likely caused by my body fighting off a cold - I've been sneezing a lot and my husband experienced a similar bout of exhaustion last week. But without the standard indicators of a cold - a runny nose or a sore throat, it's hard to believe your own instincts that something is out of whack and very easy to fall into self-blame.

This got me thinking about how similar this is to the experiences of many people suffering mental illness - it's an invisible illness that may have no overt external signs but can have a huge impact on a person's ability to cope with everyday life. The tiredness I was experiencing was so hard to express to others and it is very easy for others to think that you're just hamming it up a bit (we all feel tired from time to time after all). It can be like this when you're trying to tell someone how depressed you feel - there are those people who seem to think that you're just feeling a bit sad and don't understand how debilitating it can be. Also, just like how I started to doubt that I was really that tired, when I used to be depressed I used to think that what I was feeling wasn't actually as bad as I thought it was, doubting my instincts and not seeking the help I needed.

I find that using mindfulness can be really useful for getting back in touch with your instincts and for being able to step back from your experiences and just observe them for what they are. From the observer standpoint it can be a lot easier to decide on a course of action. Sometimes we can become so wrapped up in our thoughts about an experience that we end up ignoring our initial impressions. Though don't forget, sometimes the mind can come up with some very useful suggestions - my mind reminded me that I haven't been getting much exercise recently and it was a reasonable idea that my exhaustion could have come from my lack of activity. In the end I just needed to ride it out and the reason became obvious on its own - a good dose of acceptance was needed for this.

If you're experiencing symptoms such as exhaustion for an extended period of time then please contact your doctor to rule out potential health complications.

Autumn Mindfulness

Autumn is in the air, so it's a great time to take a look at some mindfulness practice we can do in this beautiful season.

Colourful Leaves

Now is the season where leaves start to change colour from green to all shades of red, orange, yellow and brown. Look at the variety of colours in the trees and leaves on the ground. Take one leaf and look closely at it - observe the texture of the leaf, is it rough or smooth, how does it feel in your hands, is it warm or cool, is it all one colour or does the colour vary across the surface, are there spots and flecks, are the edges flat or curved?

Sweeping Leaves

This is a classic mindfulness practice. While sweeping leaves try to keep your attention on the feel and action of sweeping. It is common for our minds to wander during monotonous tasks so when you notice your mind has wandered just acknowledge it and gently bring your attention back to sweeping. Your mind may wander hundreds of times but just keep bringing it back. 

The Sounds of Autumn

Take a moment to listen to the sounds around you - the rustle of the wind through the leaves, the creak of the tree branches, the changing birdsong as birds start to migrate. It can be surprising how many sounds we miss when we're not actively listening.

The Leaf Stomp

This one I learned from my personal mindfulness tutor - my toddler. Stamp on every leaf in sight and delight in the sound and feel of the crunchy leaves beneath your feet. Kick the piles of leaves (as long as you're sure nothing is sleeping in there) and watch how they fall and settle back on the ground.

Autumn Memories

Take a deep breath and notice the slight smell of decay in the air as the leaves start turning to mulch to ready the soil for Spring's new growth. You may notice the smell of bonfire smoke at this time of year too. What other things can you smell? Our sense of smell can conjure up some strong memories - what are you reminded of? Halloween celebrations? Childhood memories of playing in the park? If you want to, spend some time with those memories, but if unpleasant memories are stirred then acknowledge them and allow them to pass in their own time. Don't forget to bring yourself back to the present moment when you're done - observing the sights, sounds and smells around you or by simply focusing on your own breath.

Corbyn's views on mental health

I was heartened by Jeremy Corbyn's answer to a question posed to him and Owen Smith about the mental health crisis this country is facing in the Victoria Derbyshire Labour Leadership debate the other day. I don't want to get too political in this blog but I feel that his answer demonstrated a real understanding of the challenges faced by those suffering mental health conditions and some good ideas for moving forward.

"We do face a mental health crisis in this country. One in four of us are going to face a crisis during our own lifetimes. We can do two things. One is change our language and change our approach and change our attitudes so that young people don’t suffer in silence and fear of talking about it, and sadly some even take their own lives as a result of it. We can do a lot in that respect."

This really resonates with me because of the ignorance and fear I have witnessed from my own family members in the past, let alone various acquaintances through the years. If I hadn't grown up believing that my own difficulties were something to be ashamed of and to hide then perhaps I would have gotten the help I needed sooner. I hate to think of others in similar situations suffering in silence because of the small-minded attitudes of those around them. I often talk about the statistics in the ACT course I co-present and I'm sure I'll dedicate a post to them at some point in the near future. It is amazing to think that so many of us experience mental health difficulties at some point in our lives but there is still such stigma surrounding mental health. I would love to see a government working towards changing the way mental health is viewed in this country.

"Secondly, absolutely invest in good quality, immediate talking therapies and support for those going through a crisis. If you’ve gone through, or are in the midst of a crisis, and you go to your GP, and you say ‘I’m going through a mental health crisis’, a good GP would do something for you immediately. A less effective GP would, say, put you on a waiting list for talking therapy in a month’s time or seeing a psychiatrist in six weeks’ time or something like that. It’s got to be there and available and immediate."

This would be great to see in action. Throughout the years I have personally experienced the delays and waiting lists he speaks of here. When you need to speak to someone about mental health you need to speak to them right then, not at some point in the distant future. I know what a huge step asking for help can be to someone struggling with, in my case, depression and to be told that you won't be talking to someone for weeks or even months can be so disheartening. Obviously the funding has to be there to support it, but Corbyn's assertion of making these therapies available and immediate is very heartening and hopefully shows a potential of a brighter future for those in need of mental health services.

When disaster strikes - how I've changed.

Look what happened to my phone the other day - I wasn't holding it firmly and the cat, being too friendly for his own good, knocked it out of my hand. "So what?" I can hear you say. "Happens to people all the time." Indeed it does and my intent is not to moan about it but to share with you how my response to such an accident has changed since practicing ACT.

In the past this sort of accident would have knocked me for a hell of an emotional loop. I would have spent ages internally screaming at myself for being so stupid and clumsy. I would have called myself an idiot and all other manner of hurtful names. I would have shouted angrily at the cat and probably ignored him for days. I would have felt a burning fury at myself and got caught in a loop of trying to will it not to have happened with a kind of temple popping, breath-holding intensity. It would have brought up intense feelings of worrying and distress about money (regardless of how well or poor our finances are at the time). There would have been a lot of inconsolable crying. This cycle of emotion and hateful self-talk would have continued at varying intensity for several days minimum, if not weeks.

But all that didn't happen on this day and I think it really nicely demonstrates how far I've come and how much emotional resilience I've managed to build up through using ACT techniques. What actually happened is at first there was the inevitable string of expletives and then I could feel a surge of emotion coming my way so I called through to my husband for support (mainly to look after my daughter while I had what I thought would be a little break down). Once my daughter was safely being looked after I allowed myself to feel the feelings of frustration and sadness at breaking my phone and accepted that it was an accident which I can't change. I spoke to my husband about our finances and yes, this came at a really unfortunate time and I'll have to wait a few months until we have enough spare cash for a new phone. This brought up a very old and familiar story for me - the "we have no money" story which always brings along a host of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. I acknowledged it for what it was - just a story my mind was telling me and let it pass in its own time. The amazing thing was that the turnaround from the upsetting event to me getting back on as normal was under half an hour. I was prepared to get further waves of turmultuous thoughts and emotions about the phone later on - I was ready to defuse and accept - but very few even turned up and the ones that did I dealt with almost automatically. Defusion and acceptance can be quite a heavy going conscious effort when you are first practicing and I previously doubted that they could become automatic but it seems that I have actually managed to start retraining my brain in this way.

So I guess the point of this post is to say keep on practicing ACT in your daily life because it really is making a difference in the long term, even if you can't see the immediate effects right now, you may well see how far you've come further down the line.

The Mind - I Love...

     My mind surprised me today with a simple sentence out of the blue. It said “I love being a mummy.” What surprised me most is that this was the first time my mind had said this to me unprompted. I've been a mummy now for nearly two years and it has been amazing - there is no doubt in my mind, despite all the inevitable ups and downs, I absolutely do love being a mum. But my mind, doing what minds do, tends to always emphasise the negative. I've lost count of how many times my mind has told me that “I hate being a mummy”, “I don't want to be a mummy anymore”, “I'm a bad mother” etc. This is why it was such a pleasant shock to hear the opposite today.

     So why is this? Why does my mind always barrage me with negatives rather than bolster me with positives? Well it goes back to our 'stone-age minds’. Back in prehistory our minds evolved to be a very effective don't-get-killed device. It was useful for our ancestor’s minds to warn them of dangers - the stone-age man who is wary of potential predators when outside was far more likely to survive than the man whose mind always tells him “I love being outside”.

     Now, in the present day, our minds carry on this legacy in the form of negative commentary. That's why the mind far more often says things like “I hate being a mummy” than “I love being a mummy”. It's trying to ensure our safety by going on and on about things we find difficult, and being a parent is difficult, incredibly rewarding but at times so very difficult. 

     So next time your mind is giving you a hard time just thank it - “thanks mind” - it is just trying to do it's job after all!