Illness and how to trust our instincts.

Have you ever felt unwell but been unable to communicate it to others? Do you tend to doubt yourself and not trust your instincts? Me too...

The last few days I have been feeling incredibly exhausted from the moment I wake, despite a good night's sleep. This tiredness then peaked in the afternoons where it took every bit of energy I had just to stay awake. I didn't know what was causing this and was starting to give myself a hard time for not managing to cope better with a bit of tiredness.

Today I was woken up by my darling toddler at 6am after a night of very little sleep for both of us and though I feel really tired, I feel so much more functional and able to cope than I have done the previous few days. This has made me realise in reflection that the tiredness I was experiencing was likely caused by my body fighting off a cold - I've been sneezing a lot and my husband experienced a similar bout of exhaustion last week. But without the standard indicators of a cold - a runny nose or a sore throat, it's hard to believe your own instincts that something is out of whack and very easy to fall into self-blame.

This got me thinking about how similar this is to the experiences of many people suffering mental illness - it's an invisible illness that may have no overt external signs but can have a huge impact on a person's ability to cope with everyday life. The tiredness I was experiencing was so hard to express to others and it is very easy for others to think that you're just hamming it up a bit (we all feel tired from time to time after all). It can be like this when you're trying to tell someone how depressed you feel - there are those people who seem to think that you're just feeling a bit sad and don't understand how debilitating it can be. Also, just like how I started to doubt that I was really that tired, when I used to be depressed I used to think that what I was feeling wasn't actually as bad as I thought it was, doubting my instincts and not seeking the help I needed.

I find that using mindfulness can be really useful for getting back in touch with your instincts and for being able to step back from your experiences and just observe them for what they are. From the observer standpoint it can be a lot easier to decide on a course of action. Sometimes we can become so wrapped up in our thoughts about an experience that we end up ignoring our initial impressions. Though don't forget, sometimes the mind can come up with some very useful suggestions - my mind reminded me that I haven't been getting much exercise recently and it was a reasonable idea that my exhaustion could have come from my lack of activity. In the end I just needed to ride it out and the reason became obvious on its own - a good dose of acceptance was needed for this.

If you're experiencing symptoms such as exhaustion for an extended period of time then please contact your doctor to rule out potential health complications.