Grieving: Funeral Fears

This week my ACT mentor and friend Ross passed away - so you can expect a fair amount of posts over the coming weeks about experincing grief.

The funeral is coming up soon and I have chosen to go because it is in line with my values and I think he would have liked me to go too (well, a friend assured me that would be the case at least.) However, I am struggling with the fear of what emotions might be induced at the funeral. I often wouldn't see him for months at a time and so I fear that despite all the grief I have already experienced this last week that maybe the reality of it has not truly hit me yet and likely will do so at the funeral. If that happens I will likely feel very vulnerable and the idea of being in that state while surrounded by strangers makes me very fearful. Thankfully I have a good friend for support who will also be there and support in place for when I come home.

When these thoughts and feelings come up the inevitable question gets asked - why not stay at home and avoid all that pain? If I avoided painful experiences that the funeral might bring up then I would be shrinking my life space and not being true to my values. It is important to me to show my respect and commemorate his life with others who knew him and the great things he did.

So I have resolved to go and in the meantime I am sitting with my fear when it appears and defusing any thoughts which accompany it. It is uncomfortable, but I know that if I struggle with it I will make the fear monster grow stronger. 

This is what I feel is best for me but if you are going through a similar situation then remember to do what works for you. Use your values to guide you and make sure you have the support you need in place. 

When I wrote this post and mentioned my fear of feeling vulnerable I remembered a YouTube video Ross often recommended and decided to rewatch it. It is incredibly relevant to what I am feeling now and once again it amazes me how he is still managing to impact my life even now. It is about the Power of Vulnerability, if you have a spare 20 minutes I highly recommend you watch it.