The effects of caffeine

Today I presented another session of ACT at the Recovery College. I always get a bit of anxiety and stress during these sessions but today the effect was particularly pronounced, to the extent that I was physically shaking every time I stood up to talk. I started to wonder why I was getting such extreme emotions today - I have presented the course many times before and not experienced such anxiety. Then I remembered, just before the session started I had taken some paracetamol for a headache, but the only paracetamol I had to hand contained caffeine. Caffeine has been shown to enhance the painkilling effects of paracetamol and is quite commonly combined with it in certain brands of painkillers. I'll admit that my headache was very much gone for the morning, however the adverse effects of the caffeine were particularly marked for me.

In my teens I used to consume a lot of caffeine in the form of soft drinks and then energy drinks at university and then coffee and tea in my 20s. I never thought it was causing a problem - I was very dependent on its effects to keep me feeling awake. I'm sure that a lot of my dependence on caffeine was probably built up as I tried to counter the tiredness that came with the depression I developed in those same years. It was part of my agenda of control - when feelings of tiredness popped up I would automatically try to avoid them with caffeine.

When I became pregnant with my daughter almost 3 years ago I gave up caffeine completely for the sake of the little foetus developing inside me (as well as giving up alcohol but that's another topic for another time). Though it was hard to give up (hideous headaches and urges) I found that I didn't really miss it all that much in the longer term. After birth and the majority of breastfeeding I started to reintroduce caffeine occasionally - a cola with a meal out, a cup of tea here and there but I started to notice the sensations which the caffeine induced in me. It wasn't instant, so it was easy to miss the connection between the drink consumed and the emotions felt. For me it was a particularly jittery stress or anxious feeling. I would feel like I couldn't sit still and that I needed to take action. I also found myself being far more aggressive and snappy with others and generally more emotionally volatile. I also felt a lot less able to cope with everyday things. I found that I couldn't tolerate the thought of doing any of the things I usually like to do when under the influence of caffeine (like read a book or watch a film).

A distinctive feature of these caffeine induced feelings was that they seemed to appear from nowhere, though I noticed that my mind was very quick to come up with explanations - dredging up old hurts or worrying at everything that could go wrong in the future. The other feature of these feelings was that they were very resistant to acceptance techniques - though it isn't the purpose of acceptance and you can never guarantee it, I usually find that allowing and expanding around a feeling eases it somewhat. When I use these techniques with a caffeine induced feeling the feeling remains just as intense until the timer runs out on the caffeine and it finally goes through my system.

Now that I've observed what caffeine does to me, I have chosen to avoid it on most occasions because the detriments outweigh the benefits for me. When I do choose to consume caffeine I do it fully informed about what the effects are likely to be for me. I now know, through mostly trial and error, plus careful self-observation, what level of tiredness I need to be feeling for caffeine to have a beneficial effect on me.

Now that I have realised what caffeine does to me, I wonder if the use of caffeine actually contributed and worsened my depression in the past. When considering my usage in terms of the agenda of control I have no doubt that it was shrinking my life space but also making things worse in a number of other ways. The volatility worsened my relationships, the dislike of doing things I used to like enhanced the same effect which came from depression, it likely made my sleep worse and caused me to ruminate unnecessarily in an attempt to explain what I was feeling.

Obviously my reaction to caffeine could be rare but I imagine it affects many people in ways they don't realise. I wonder if a lot of aggression and discontentment in the workplace could be in part caused by the normalised use of caffeine in the workplace. If you think that caffeine could be impacting your life then I highly recommend you make attempts to lessen your use of it and see if that makes a difference for you.